A Good Return

I have returned home, smelling of success and heroism. When, last Saturday, the Arizona men's swimming team fell to the pompous, revolting, wretched, vomit-inducingly rested and tapered Stanford team, the media moguls of online sports coverage asked the question, Is Stanford Invincible? It's well within my interests to do a parody of the article that raised this question but I fear for my audience. The answer, of course, is no. This weekend, equipped, ready and raring to go, we overturned the number-one-ranked Texas team, destroying them in all four relays. Inevitably, they will claim that we were more rested than they were, and, in truth, we hold a mutual respect that means we usually come together on fairly equal terms, so they'd only be fooling themselves. However, we weren't particularly jubilant in victory for we know that, come the end of the year, they will be a force to be reckoned with. Yet, having said that, it sent a stark message to the grimy, drivelling, pretentious knobs of Stanford with their ridiculous, absurd victory cheer. Unfortunately, there aren't any videos to direct you towards, but there will be more to come soon enough.