NCAAs Postponed - National News

Meet was delayed 24 hours courtesy of the NoroVirus. Win. I remain unscathed. Here's the video link. Again, finals start at 11pm UK time. Wish me luck! Gotta go.

NCAAs

Okay, I'm here in Columbus. My little endeavour to bring you all that's on the tip of my tongue proved optimistic, but never fear, it is not lost. More importantly, for now, the swimming proper begins tomorrow at noon, so 4pm UK time. More attractively for you, however, would be the finals session, where it's all gonna kick off football-fan style. All that gets underway sharpish at 11pm UK time. Here's the link for the live stream. It's quite nicely put together with professional graphics and audio link-ups. Look for Arizona in the white caps, particularly on the first relay, the 4x50 Freestyle, in which your humble servant's going to spray lead all over the vicinity. Enjoy.

PS. - You'll probably have to download Microsoft Silverlight to view the page (shit, I know), and that link is subject to change if I find a better one. Keep a look-out. Also, for the full results, go here.

Stewart Lee Again Again

I almost forgot; Stu appeared on Mastermind a while back and (who were we to doubt) he won the bloody thing. His chosen subject was the Life and Work of Derek Bailey, who I hadn't even heard of before he spouted all the answers. For me, it's no surprise that he got nearly all of them right. Someone of his calibre would have an obsessive mind. It's a shame there's no footage of his later questions, in which he was pretty good, though he wobbled near the finish line. I had the full broadcast at the time, and were I not such a nonce, I'd have spliced it down and uploaded it myself. Sorry. You'll have to make do with this version. Even the way he shuffles to the chair made me laugh out loud.

Stewart Lee Again

Let us apportion ourselves a fat slice of Stewart Lee. It was remiss of me not to write a brief and fawning review of my Christmas excursion to see Stu's latest show, If You Prefer A milder Comedian Please Ask For One, though it dawns on me now that most of the remaining readers of this blog were there with me anyway.

It's worth pointing you in the direction of the following two interviews that Stu submitted himself too about a month ago. In the first he talks about material for the show, his increasing popularity, and some of his projects in the pipeline. In the second he makes me feel rather uncomfortable by mentioning the widespread pirating of his material online. If you've seen my YouTube page you'll know that I am the principle distributor of Stu's material on YouTube. He talks quite candidly and reasonably about it, to be honest, which is slightly unusual considering how his livelihood depends upon selling DVDs and other merchandise. Also, it was confirmed very recently by Armando Iannucci, the producer of Stew's BBC programme, Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, and the mastermind behind In The Loop, that a second series of Stu's six-part series has been confirmed by the bigwigs. Excellent.

Secondly, Stu has a book coming out, published by none other than Faber and Faber. It's a collection of his stand-up routines galvanised by his own matrix of margin-annotations, footnotes, and alterations that Stu gathers as he tests his material. He can explain it better than I, and, in his own words:

For Faber it's going to be the most low-brow book they've ever done, but in terms of a stand-up comedy cash-in book it's going to be the absolute Rolls-Royce. It's the most high-brow comedy book ever done, but simultaneously it's the shoddiest thing in Faber's catalogue.

What's more, contrary to the sentiments of his emotional tirade during the live show, it appears a live DVD will, in fact, get shot from this routine and hit the shelves, along with the book, entitled, How I Escaped My Certain Fate, later this year. For a portion, my favorite portion of Stewart Lee's last live show, in which he performs a tender version of Steve Earl's Gallway Girl, see the clip below. ("Do some rape stuff. Send us home laughing").

Kermode

As time has progressed, much of this blog's output has become either unnecessary or self-indulgent, or, yes, unnecessarily self-indulgent. Point proven. The rotisserie of this blog's manifesto feeds off of regurgitation and readvancement. The same five or six topics get sucked dry, beaten into submission until no more information can be drawn and updated. This is, I suppose, a personal blog, as delineated by the banner at the top, but it's getting farcical. I'll leave it to the professionals. Those of you who do not frequent the Kermode Uncut blog owe it to yourself to do so. It's becoming the international hub of elitist film criticism, as evidence more and more along the comment reels. Here's Kermode's latest offering, combining his signature wit with his irrepressible opinions. Alone, he doesn't quite produce the alchemy of his radio show with Simon Mayo, but he proves he can go it alone if he needs to.

I can't go on. I'll go on.

Right, gents, I appreciate that I haven't been the comeliest host these past few days, and in a vain attempt at apology, I shall strive to rectify the balance tomorrow. My efforts have been somewhat strained in the direction of one of my great passions, swimming, and, indeed, my efforts will not go misplaced. A marriage between success and your humble and reclusive host shall be forged in the belly of the competitive arena. Arizona, the Number 1 ranked team in the nation put that label to the test in Columbus, Ohio, beginning Thursday of the coming week. Rest assured, video links, live streams, results, and anything I can get my mitts on will show up on this blog soon enough. Needless to say, once the intellectual malaise of the past week has been transcribed to print tomorrow, I shall post the link to the live stream along with the recommended viewing hours (that is, of course, subject to the condition that you give a damn). More to follow...

Dragons and Farmers

The Tucson Festival of Books shacked up two days ago to draw in the eclectic bunch of "readers" that the locale has to offer. Philip Roth once pondered that, from a population of 180 million, only about 100,000 Americans go to bed with a book rather than a television set. I wonder how many of the number aren't complete nutboxes. Forced to meander my way through the malaise of tents, teepees, awnings and shacks, I took careful note of the type of person who frequents such a festival. Lonely women, often escorted by a dog, often wearing bandannas saunter from the mysticism section to the eco section. Readerless authors sit awkwardly alone at the signing tables, finding themselves mistaken in their careers, mistaken by passers-by for a lost-and-found representative. Odd and mismatched couples accompany a stroller. A child one can't help but pity. One half grotesquely overweight, the other thin. One white, balding, the other Asian, Chinese as a rule. One man dressed as a plastic Stormtrooper buys an expensively produced, ribboned copy of Dragons and Farmers, the latest, I'm told by a banner, from a local author and specialist of Medieval mythology. He has a long ponytail. At least he does trade. So too do shacks marked Spirituality, Asian Self-Realization, and (my favorite) Organic Buddhism. Surely these aren't the people Roth was referring to.

god is not good?

A few more titles that didn't quite make it, before they escape my memory.

Gone with the Breeze
The Dog of the Baskervilles
10 Leagues under the Sea
No County for Old Men
Brunch at Tiffany's
The Half-Brothers Karamazov.

PS. You guys are letting me down on this one.

Arizona v. Cal Dual Meet 2010

Last week's swimming could have gone better. Though, that being said, our focus since August has been on the NCAAs, coming up in two weeks, and that's how it's going to stay. There were a few decent races though and, when I get my hands on the footage, I'll do my best to upload it here. Before then, I've picked up the video archive of Arizona's historic comeback against California in this year's dual meet. With four events left to go, we found ourselves 40 points behind the hosts. In dual meet terms, that deficit is a mountain.

First, South African Jean Basson churned out a true captain's swim in the 500 Free. After getting trounced by three Cal swimmers in the 1000, he threw caution to the wind and set the ball rolling. Nimrod came in a solid second, touching out the Cal hopeful. (Arizona are in the odd lanes, and always wear the white cap.)

Then, in the biggest upset of the meet, our Fly swimmers went 1-2-3 in the 100, pipping the fading Cal swimmer. Note the panic stricken commentator when reading out the results.

The ball was in our court. Preceding the final two events is a ten minute break - not exactly what we wanted. Momentum played a role, and we knew we had the advantage even though we were still 17 points behind. The organizer's refused to read out the scores, but everyone knew the situation. Next was our strongest event and their weakest, the 400 IM. If we go 1-2-3 in this as well, it would tip the points tally in our favour for the first time in the meet.

And so, the climax of the afternoon. Both teams knew what was at stake, and the etiquette and routine of swim meets had long since gone out the window. Cal now had to 1-2 us in the 4x50 Free Relay to win, and they certainly had the capability, particularly in their trump card, Nathan Adrian, who's fast becoming the second greatest yards sprint freestyler of all time (Behind Cesar Cielo). The Arizona A team goes in lane 3, with your humble servant going third, and Cal's A team go in lane 6.

Book titles that didn't quite make it

Inspired by the old childish game that Christopher Hitchens and Salman Rushdie used to play on lonely, more male-oriented nights in, I've been trying to add to the list of "book titles that didn't quite make it". Classic examples include:

Mr Zhivago
Good Expectations
The Big Gatsby

You get the idea. How about:

Some Ado About Nothing
Prince Lear
American Weirdo
Paradise Misplaced

It's a good one to play when lying awake at night, failing to fall asleep. Here are a few others that don't quite work:

Catch-21
1983
The Eustace Crystals

True examples, of course, require no explanation, such as:

Heart of Dimness
Petty Crime and Punishment
The Road to Wigan Jetty

Admittedly, that last one isn't my best. Any more? Try it.

Lollipops and Crisps

To round off the small matter of Thom Yorke's solo gig at the Cambridge Corn Exchange, here is a wonderfully shot video of the live classic, that sublime little masterpiece, True Love Waits, which hasn't changed a jot since it's first airing in 1995. For more of these videos, especially recommended for those who were there (Thom and Tim), go here.

ZONA ZONA ZONA

Tomorrow, dear reader, I bid you adieu once more for a few brief days. The team travel West to Long Beach, California, safe in the knowledge that we have a job to do. Cocksuckers-Anonymous (AKA Stanford) have a 27-year consecutive winning streak going on in this competition and, one way or the other, we're going to break it. The new, final rankings were published today, and guess who's on top. If they're going to beat us, they're going to have blood pouring out their ears. Wish me Heart Soul Passion Battle!

Damo

This video wins me over on a rainy day and seems to get better every time. I particularly like the bemused faces of the audience at the end, as if to say, Where the hell did that come from, Damien? It's tragic that Lisa Watson has left Damo to his own devices. This performance in itself was proof of their unquantifiable chemistry. Neither of their solo material will match up to their former creative glories. Maybe in future they'll put aside the buckets of sexual tension and reunite, but that's optimistic. Watch in full screen and max volume.