Faulkner

"What star falls unseen?"

Egypt Again Again, and Ed

As Egypt celebrates one must resist the temptation to do likewise (a silent fist-pump may, if necessary, be excused). Mubarak’s resignation is, needless to say, something of which the Egyptian populace can be very proud. The responsibility falls upon those in the know, however, to highlight the dangers of hastily appointing bag-grabbers and opportunists, such as Yussuf al-Qaradawi. As ever, check in with Michael Totten from time to time, and why not pre-order his book while you’re at it. Also, for more, see Lee Smith on the subject. He writes:

As a media personality with a presence on TV and the Internet—and who is far out of reach of Egyptian internal security and free from Egyptian censors—Qaradawi is perfectly positioned to play the role of Muslim Brotherhood publicist or even kingmaker over the coming months. Nor is there any particular reason to think that Qaradawi’s willingness to embrace facets of modernity while promoting violence and hatred makes him less than dangerous to the dream of a future liberal society in Egypt and to Western interests in the region.

Speaking of which, as a touching little aside, God, or, excuse me, Ed O’Brien of Radiohead writes on Dead Air Space about the impact, influence, and significance of social media outlets as a means of mobilizing people while unifying and concretizing a new generation of politically active young people. If, on the other hand, you’re tired of all this jip about Cairo and shit, remind yourself of why one should pray twice daily to Mr. O’Brien by watching his classic performance during Fake Plastic Trees at their Haiti benefit gig last year (skip to about 6.45). It’s pretty real.

Top Gear and Steve Coogan

On this one you’ll note that my timing has been rather stunted by the desire to wait a week, observe what transpired, and then assess. When Richard Hammond sat in the converted, leather-upholstered seat on the Top Gear set two weeks ago and remarked, after some preliminary banter of the usual sort, “I’m sorry, but just imagine waking up and remembering you’re Mexican: ‘aww, no!’”, it did cross my mind that a scandal may yet come of this.

Scandal cometh it did. I’m not going to respond to the bed-wettingly weak apology issued by the BBC, because apologies do not particularly interest me, and nor should they you in this case. A certain Steve Coogan, however, requires our attention.

On Saturday, Coogan published an article in The Guardian that ran with the following tagline: “Top Gear's offensive stereotyping has gone too far”. As though the controversy hadn’t ballooned enough after the blissfully ironic news that came of the Mexican ambassador reacting without the merriment that perhaps Clarkson and friends may have expected, a longstanding friend of the show, Coogan weighed in and declared, “I’ve had enough”.

As Coogan’s largely reasoned and eloquent article continues, however, we read this paragraph:

OK, guys, I've got some great ideas for your next show. Jeremy, why not have James describe some kosher food as looking like "sick with cheese on it"? No? Thought not. Even better, why not describe some Islamic fundamentalists as lazy and feckless?

As anyone who has ever partaken in an argument will no doubt be aware, sarcasm is the last resort of a losing antagonist. And yet, ignore the sarcasm, and direct your attention to the allusions to organized religion. Here, replace the word “kosher” with, say, “French”, and the sentiment suddenly becomes somewhat meaningless. The French, you may well claim, require no special dispensation, or immunity from criticism. Why not so, then, with Judaism or Islam? Or, indeed, Mexicans?

Soon after, Coogan references the BBC’s “mealy-mouthed apology”, and argues that it “neatly sidestepped one hugely important fact – ethnicity”, thus invoking the accusation of racism. Such claims are to be taken very seriously, and it is a debate worth having on any occasion. In this instance, however, by drawing attention to the notion of ethnicity, Coogan actually highlights his own, albeit unconscious racism. By implying that Mexicans require special treatment, contrary to his intentions, Coogan demonstrates a commonly unobserved facet of the liberal left.

If one were to maintain that the Top Gear presenters’ comments were offensive, crudely articulated, and indicative of an inherent racism, one must also chart this vein of reasoning to its conclusion. Deductively, it follows that, if one grants Mexicans immunity from conceivably offensive humour, one must also grant the French immunity. In turn, one must also grant Jews, Christians, and Muslims immunity. Who would desire such a scenario? And so, without falling to the fallacy of the slippery slope, given such a demand, everyone, it could be argued, should remain immune from potentially offensive humour.

Further, Coogan, nor anyone else, can appeal to the notion of the BBC as uniquely distinct in its output from other media outlets. One should never overlook the fact that, as with all cases involving television, it is always an option to reach for the remote.

Egypt Again

US special envoy, Frank Wisner just recommended that Mubarak stay in power to oversee the transition into a democracy. This really pisses me off to no end. A liberal democracy cannot be effectively implemented by an 82 year-old ruler. This kind of move plops Wisner, and the rest of the US, firmly on the fence, with a spike up its dilated anus. This is like claiming that humans are given free will by god. Well, if it's given by god, you had no choice, and therefore not free. Wisner's statements are even more penetratingly infuriating than his underlying message. Read:

I believe that President Mubarak's continued leadership is crucial - it's his chance to write his own legacy.

Were twenty-nine years of unfettered dictatorship not enough to implement a "legacy"? Lagacies are to be honored, respected, and, crucially, upheld. We want no such thing from Mubarak.

Egypt

Even the BBC, a bastion of good sense, has the following headline regarding the ongoing violence in Egypt: “Mubarak ‘fears chaos if he quits’”. Well, sir, you’ve got chaos already. I imagine that’s not a direct quote from Mubarak, as even a senile and power-hungry Islamist dictator tends to refrain from employing the third person when discussing themselves in public. However, do not listen to this sort of rhetoric. I cannot emphasize that enough. The Guardian ran a similar headline earlier today on their website, as though the opinions of the ruler of a country who hasn’t felt the need for a public election in almost thirty years deserves that sort of authority. Let the people choose. Hold an election NOW.

Admittedly, an election would do little good if it handed power to the likes of the Muslim Brotherhood, one of the most vicious, insipid, wretched, hateful, dogmatic Islamist sects going. Just because they appear to side with the pro-democracy protesters on this one does not mean that they do. Ah, the unity one uncovers when fighting a common enemy. As Michael Totten correctly points out, “if Egyptians elect the Muslim Brotherhood in a free and fair election, and the Muslim Brotherhood then rigs or even cancels every election that follows, Egypt will not be in any way shape or form a democracy. It will be a dictatorship that happened to have an election.”

Shadi Hamid, somebody who, from now on, I’ll have fairly little time for, makes a contrasting argument. He claims, were the West to sidle up to Saudi Arabia somewhat, we may yet forge a happy marriage with the Muslim Brotherhood. Thank you no. He writes:

The Brotherhood, to be sure, is not a force for liberalism, nor is it likely to become so anytime soon. The group holds views that most Americans would be uncomfortable with, including on women's rights and segregation of the sexes. But we're not voting in Egyptian elections; Egyptians are.

I find this extremely irritating. This final sentence encapsulates fairly well the self-deprecating tone that has come to embed itself and grow within liberal consciousness for some time. Hamid seems to say; if we can simply put our social, moral, and political values aside for a moment, and remember that Egypt has its own set of social, moral, and political values, then what’s to dislike about the prospect of the Muslim Brotherhood taking control? This is false reasoning. Our superset of ideologies, although by no means perfect, is not to be discarded at an instant’s notice. Our values can and, indeed, should be applied in all cases. That’s why they’re values. To use an old cliché, there is a moral high-ground here, and the West should take it.

No, we will not stand idly by as the Muslim Brotherhood opportunistically attempts to make nice with international media outlets at a time of crisis. What’s more, we stand alongside the demonstrators in Cairo and elsewhere who are desperately and resolutely trying, non-violently, to bring about major change.

Sandmonkey, the alias of an Egyptian activist and blogger, is one such comrade. He was detained earlier today but, reports suggest, he was released soon after. His blog, in the meantime, was taken down, and yet now it appears to be back online. Such is the ebb and flow of a revolution. If it is possible to find amusement in times like these, Christopher Hitchens rather amusingly noted in his Slate column this week that the surest way for a dictator to give up the ghost is to shut down the domestic media. Anyway, for a very insightful overview of the scene on the streets, read Sandmonkey’s latest entry, “Egypt, Right Now!”

Frank Busch Departing

Frank Busch, the head coach, figurehead, and mainstay of Arizona Swimming yesterday announced that he would not be returning for another season. He has decided to accept the offer from USA Swimming’s powers-that-be of becoming US National Team Director. It requires little effort to realize that the job is perhaps one of the most honored, important, and sought-after jobs not just in US swimming, but in world swimming, and my teammates and I wish him all the best for the future. Having accepted the job as head coach at Arizona before I was born in 1989, he has demonstrated nothing but the utmost commitment to the program, the school, and the generations of swimmers that have passed through the ranks. Under him, Amanda Beard dominated women’s breaststroke for Olympics after Olympics, Ryk Neethling forged a career as one of the greatest sportsmen of all time, Simon Burnett, my old compatriot set a US Open Record that may never be broken, and the joint men’s and women’s teams of 2008 both won the prestigious Collegiate National Championships, to name but a handful. Now that he’s leaving the post after 22 seasons, it’s up to yours truly, as co-captain, to lead this team to another national title, the only conceivable send-off befitting the legacy Coach Busch has propagated all these years.

Twenty-Two is Better than One

Besides the usual round of certain television shows that I tend to successfully negotiate every week, it’s extremely rare for me to click through to the terrestrial broadcast channels of my very nice 27” HDTV. The reasons for this, beside the typical time constraints, are fairly simple; the commercials on American TV stretch 45 minute shows out into 75 minute marathons, and it’s not uncommon to surf the available outlets without encountering anything other than adverts. While I was in Austin, Texas this weekend, however, I was afforded a few hours of tedium here and there in which the offerings of the flatscreen provided the most salient option. For example, HBO, rather forgivingly, were running a House omnibus, which provided the much-needed matchsticks for the eyelids during the ad-breaks. Amidst all this I stumbled across something remarkable, something I undoubtedly would have missed were it not for the aforementioned sight-stilts.

Apple’s ongoing battle with the anti-monopoly folk has forced them to appease somewhat and broach an agreement with Verizon, who will soon take up joint provider rights to the iPhone alongside the notoriously unreliable AT&T. Of course, public perception, or rather, the maintenance of their public image is all important to the gurus behind Apple’s marketing thrust. And so, their latest television commercial features two iPhones shown side by side, fiddled with and probed by the peerless hand-models of old in a sequence entitled,“ Two is better than One”. Now, I’ve never had cause enough to buy an Apple product, largely because I’ve thus far remained satisfied with the output of Bill Gates and co., plus the price-tag for many of Apple’s products hasn’t ever felt entirely justified relative to their competitors. However, and this is a big however, I may yet make that move on account of this latest advert. Keep an eye on the left iPhone of the two and you may, dear reader, spot the telling detail that has brought about this sudden change of heart. Got it?

Cosy Moments

It is almost a certainty that, as one picks up a previously unread Wodehouse novel, the following hours of happy reading will contain at least one moment of utterly irrepressible mirth. It will come in any form: a word, a sentence, a phrase, a paragraph. In The Code of the Woosters, for instance, this moment occurs across the words, “Modern Dutch”, for reasons that only those acquainted with the text will comprehend. Similarly, in the collection of short stories, My Man Jeeves, we hear of Bicky who “rocked like a jelly in a high wind”. Likewise, in a later text, Right Ho, Jeeves, Bertie remarks at a time of some considerable stress:

The persp., already bedewing my brow, became a regular Niagara.

Bertie goes on and, in conversation with his inimitable manservant Jeeves, attempts to confirm the identity of a gentleman under discussion:

The chap with the nose?

With this canon of regular hilarity whetting my comedy loins somewhat, I approached the Psmith series with dewy anticipation. I was not disappointed, dear reader, for within the first chapter or so, the reader is introduced to a nobleman of sorts, Billy Windsor, who possesses a notable talent for the security business.

[Billy’s] alliance with Pugsy Maloney had begun on the occasion when he had rescued that youth from the clutches of a large negro, who, probably from the soundest of motives, was endeavoring to slay him.

Richard Herring on Mastermind

Stewart Lee’s old comrade, Richard Herring followed in the master’s footsteps a few weeks ago and appeared on Celebrity Mastermind. The “celebrity” element of these things are always knocking at the doors of the weights and measurements department, but it’s a welcome aside to the usual mill-running dandies. (As Monkey Dust once postulated, soon celebrities will be produced at a faster rate than at which society can support them.)

Anyway, Herring did remarkably well. However, he was pipped at the post by a frustratingly perfect Hilary Kay, a presenter on Antiques Roadshow. Herring scored a resounding 35, but Kay went on to win with a monumental 36. I understand Herring would have set some sort of record were it not for her ladyship. Alack, when Stewart Lee sat before John Humphrys he came away with the trophy. As with many things, perhaps it just wasn’t to be for his old compatriot. Herring’s chosen topic was the mad monk, Rasputin, which shocked me somewhat. I’m aware that Herring has a degree in modern history from Oxford, but I hadn’t imagined his obsession to go that far. It has since come to light, however, that Herring’s first choice for his chosen field was Spinal Tap. Perhaps the producers deemed that area a touch too narrow.

When I wrote about Lee’s appearance on the show last March I noted how it didn’t surprise me that he won, and especially how his chosen subject demonstrated all the trimmings of an obsessive mind. What is it with comedians, particularly the best ones, and obsessive minds? Is the same true with all stage performers? Am I mistaken, and it’s simply a matter of better and more practiced memory?

Lastly, I feel compelled to point out that Hilary Kay’s chosen subject was The Life and Works of Josiah Wedgwood, which I can’t help but feel puts her in a somewhat advantageous position; she is, after all, a professional expert on the subject. It would almost be like Richard Herring’s chosen subject being The Life and Work of Richard Herring. Obviously, that’s a strange descent into hyperbole, but I have a point on this, I’m just not sure where I’m going with it yet.

PS. - The episode is worth seeking out if only for a predictably dire performance from the worst football pundit of his generation, Mark Lawrenson.

Salinger

I confess that I’m rather touched by this piece of news concerning J.D. Salinger. As opposed to the image one may adopt of the reclusive author, feverishly scribbling and reading, the only treatment or distraction from a frantic and overactive mind, buried away in some writer’s hermitage with books lining the walls and papers stacked like stalagmites, it transpires that Salinger enjoyed coach trips around Niagra Falls and the Grand Canyon, among other small delights. Imagine that: regular chappies like you or I sat beside Salinger on a bus without the slightest knowledge. One supposes that after, say, twenty years of seclusion it would be quite possible to enjoy the theatre or the local pub unmolested. Unless you’re a female, of course. I feel it’s only appropriate to take this to its inevitable conclusion, and parade around declaring how I bumped into Harper Lee at the sushi place the other day, and how I saw Thomas Pynchon doing karaoke with a trumpet on Saturday night. Fact.